The roommate/moving out/Polyamorous relationships
As most of the people reading this already know, I moved to Columbus for about eight months. It was, in most ways, an amazing experience. But of course, for some reason, bad karma tended to hit me out of nowhere. Seriously, can't a girl catch a break?
I dated this guy for a couple months before I ended up moving in with him. I know, I know. This already sounds like a recipe made for disaster.
I had known this guy for a while before we started dating. He was within the circle of friends I was in, but we never really started talking until November of 2010. We were both going through incredibly rough times in our lives. His relationship of 2 years had just ended. The circle of friends I was friends with were all furious with me for an event that had happened the previous week. The guy I was sort of-but-not-really dating at the time "dumped" me a week before an anime convention. I was just hit in the gut multiple times and I felt like nothing was going to get better.
Then this guy came along. He saw I was in distress and seemed to be the only one that cared. We went out a couple of times. He was charming and wonderful and really listened. I thought that things were finally turning around for me.
He "wasn't ready" for an exclusive relationship yet but he claimed to be fascinated with me (that wasn't the exact word he used, I just forgot it so I went with the next best word I could think of).
He took me on this amazing date, to the Kalahari water resort in Sandusky, Ohio. I spent half of my Christmas with him. He was just wonderful and my stupid ass was falling for him fast.
A few weeks after we were dating, he asked me how I felt about a polyamorous relationship. Honestly, I didn't mind at all. One of my closest friends had been in a polyamorous relationships for longer than 5 years (and still going strong). It's one of those things where if there's a lot of communication, trust, and honesty, it can be pulled off. So, I agreed.
It was not long after that, that he started talking to this girl who lived in New York. She, too, agreed to be in a polyamorous relationship, but she had different intentions. She was 34 years old and really was looking for someone to marry, someone to have a family with. The three of us would get along on Skype just fine, but the moment he wasn't around she would be very malicious and competitive. I couldn't take it anymore so I confessed to him the horrible things she would say to me behind his back. He never broke things off with her, but had a talk with her about how important I am to him.
A couple months went by and things were going well for us. I was struggling with my home life. Nothing bad against my family, it's just I was at the point where I was going "Okay, I'm 23 years old, I need to get out of here.", and my parents were going, "Okay, you're 23 years old, what are you still doing here?" I was getting annoyed and hurt by events that would happen at my parents'. I started looking around to see if there were any cheap places around.
It wasn't until around December that my roommate suggested I moved in with him. I was unsure because we weren't dating for very long, but I felt our situation was different as we had known each other before we started dating. Furthermore, I was unsure of what my parents would think. But I asked them what they thought. They, like my friends, thought it was a mistake, but knew that I needed this. So, on January 23rd, we drove down to Columbus and I moved in.
Life was great...for a week. Then Ohayocon happened. Ohayocon is one of the largest anime conventions in the country. I couldn't go the entire weekend because I couldn't afford a room or anything, but I still did my cosplay (female Robin), and roamed around for a few hours.
I know this sounds crazy, but when a relationship is about to go sour, I can feel it. Most of my friends just tell me I'm paranoid and I'm over-analyzing things, but I am always right. However, I tried telling myself that everything was fine.
Since my roommate staffs this convention on top of working at his other job, I knew he would come home tired. I decided to bake him a cake. He came home that weekend and I proudly showed him what he did. He kissed me and told me how sweet I am. I thought, "Maybe I was wrong this time."
Nope. The next day, we were talking and hanging out since he had the day off. He then had to break it to me about this girl he met. Apparently, in the span of 24 hours, he fell in love with her and wanted to be with her. They spent the entire weekend together. He told her of me, and our relationship. She told him she didn't want to be in a polyamorous relationship so he had to think about what he really wanted.
I desperately wanted to be the chosen one for once. But does it ever work that way? No. He ended up choosing her and putting me into one of the most painfully awkward and heartbreaking situations I'd ever been in.
They didn't even give me time for me to get over it. Within a week of them being together, she was already visiting him on a daily basis (She lived in Michigan at the time). A week after learning this, I had to witness them being together. Cuddling and making out in front of me without a care in the world. And it hurt. It hurt a lot.
I still hate everything about them. I hate their relationship. I know it is a horrible thing for me to wish bad on people, but honestly I hope their relationship crumbles and one or both of them goes through the emotional pain they put me through.
I watched as my roommate's attitude turned a complete and total 180 around me. He did not give a flying rat's ass about my feelings or anything.
I forgot to mention in my post about my abusive relationship that I still have lingering effects, including night terrors. One night, while he was on Skype with her, I had a night terror. I stumbled into the kitchen for a glass of water but ended up having a bit of an anxiety attack. He ended up abandoning his call to comfort me. After I went back to bed, I overheard him telling her what happened and why it happened. He told her everything from start to finish. I was FURIOUS. I have no problem telling people of my story, but it is my story to tell. I choose whom I tell it to. The fact that he didn't even ask for my permission first or ANYTHING pissed me off. I confronted him about it the next morning. I told him I wasn't comfortable with him telling her of my past. His response? "I don't care. I'm one hundred percent honest with my girlfriends. Diana has had trust issues in the past and I am going to continue telling her things that I feel she should know, especially if it concerns me abandoning her to comfort you."
And that's how I realized I could never call my apartment "home". I soon got kicked out of the bedroom and had to move into the dining room to sleep. The dining room was a small room, where I could barely fit any of my stuff in. There was a nest of spiders living there and I would frequently wake up with bites all around my body.
My roommate continued to be more of a jerk to me. He had no problem throwing me under a bus and it hurt. It hurt a lot. He even went as far as calling me ugly on my birthday in front of my friends.
My one saving grace, aside from the friends that I made down there, was my job. I loved my job more than any other job I had. Target was more of my home than my apartment was and was the reason I didn't pack up and leave back to Cleveland right away. A lot of people at Target knew of my situation and tried to help me out of there. One of my friends, in particular, was possibly going to need a roommate. I checked out her apartment.
That was the day before my accident. On my way to work, a part to my bike fell apart and stopped the tire. I vaulted over the handlebars and came down on my knee. I knew once I hit the ground, I would be moving back to Cleveland. My thoughts were confirmed when the fire department came to pick me up and they mentioned a dislocated knee. I could never survive this living in Columbus. I have no one to rely on. No family members. I certainly couldn't rely on my roommate. And I knew I'd have to take a leave of absence from work
Now I'm all moved back in Cleveland. Minus leaving my roommate, it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. If any of you are in the situation I was in, whether you've been with the person for a week, or years, try and find a way out. If you have nowhere to go, don't feel like you've failed because you had to move back. Save yourself the emotional abuse, because it just isn't worth it. And for Christs' sake, don't move in with the person you've been dating unless you've been dating for a LONG time.
As far as polyamorous relationships go, this hadn't turned me off from them. It might be years before I'm in one again, but I know they can be done right.
With Love,
Liv
Song in title: "Back to Black" - Amy Winehouse
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