Companionship vs. Marriage
I'm writing this because of an argument my mom and I got into the other day. We were on a way to a baby shower. My mom basically doesn't support this baby shower at all. It's a shower for my cousin. She's 20 years old and she moved to Florida with her boyfriend. I don't even think they've been dating a year yet but she is pregnant with his child. He is in the services but I don't know if he's on active duty. She was a student but was trying to find work. They have no plans on getting married right now. Shortly after she announced her pregnancy he traded in his car for a motorcycle (???). So a lot of people (aka family) aren't happy with her irresponsibility right now.
My mom and I are on the way to the shower when she said that if either my sister or I got pregnant and we weren't married, she wouldn't throw us a shower. I was kind of understanding, considering the circumstances. If I got pregnant now, I wouldn't feel like I even deserved to have a shower.
However, I posed a question for my mom:
"What if I were in a relationship with a guy for over five years. We loved each other the same way you love dad - more and more each day. We were financially stable, and we knew that we were each others' soul mates. We just didn't want to have a marriage ceremony because we know in our hearts that we already are without the paper and the rings."
Now before I continue, let me just vouch for my mom. I love this woman so much. When I got into my bike accident she was ready and willing to pick me up from Columbus at 2 in the morning. She took me in after my knee injury. And one of the most important things is that she is a VERY tolerant and compassionate woman.
I was shocked when her answer to my question was basically that my boyfriend (or...partner, I guess?) and I would be raising our child under destructive circumstances. They would get made fun of in school for not having parents that are married. We, as parents, wouldn't be taken seriously because we wouldn't be married. That people that have children that aren't properly married are "hillbillies".
I was shocked and even disgusted at what she said. I pointed out to her that it would be the same if a gay couple wanted to adopt a child.
"Oh that's different!" She snapped with a wave of her hand. "They WANT to get married, but can't."
"Really?" I asked. "Do you know every gay couple in the world? Even though it's legal in some states, I highly doubt EVERY gay couple want to get married just like how not every straight couple wants to get married."
"All I'm saying, Olivia, is that society deems it socially acceptable that couples get married."
"That's bullshit. Half of those marriages end in divorce anyway. And lots of married couples end up pregnant by accident, are financially unstable, and still decide to keep the baby despite their ability to pay for it."
"Yes, but that's usually because of the PEOPLE, not because of the 'paper' ((I hate it when people use air quotes in a debate. And she ignored the 2nd part of my sentence.))
"Exactly! So how is it any different than if a couple were together for, say, ten years decided to split? Look at Johnny Depp. He's been with the same woman for over twenty years and they have a couple of beautiful kids they raise very well."
"If Johnny Depp jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?"
"Out of all the things I've said for the past ten minutes, are you really going to pick apart that statement? Are you really going to go there?"
This argument lasted about half of the ride and I finally ended it because I was getting mad. The fact that my mom got so judgmental was upsetting and something I couldn't believe.
Look. I'm a girl. And I'm not going to lie and say that I've never thought about getting married before. I don't have long thought processes in my head about the ceremony, about the dress, about any of those things. I just...wonder. I wonder who I'm going to marry. I wonder how much fun the wedding will be.
But the bottom line is, the point of a wedding is to celebrate your love for someone to the point where you are ready and willing to spend the rest of your life with them. Your everlasting trust. Your willingness to support them throughout every day of your lives. Isn't that what real, true love is without a courthouse, a church, a lavish reception?
Will I get married someday? I hope so. A wedding would be a huge bonus. All in all I just want to be loved. I want to wake up next to the love of my life and have him think, "I am the luckiest man in the world." Does someone need to get married to have that feeling? Absolutely not.
So to everyone else: If getting married is your thing, then by all means, get married! There had better be an open bar and I had better be either a bridesmaid, or invited.
To all the other couples out there that are in love with their soul mates and have no intention on getting married any time soon, good for you. Don't let what everyone else may or may not think about you get you down. You're in love and you know you're going to be together. Do whatever you want.
With love,
Liv
Song in title: "Teardrop" - Massive Attack
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